I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
