She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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