I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
