Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
