i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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