i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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