Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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