After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
