dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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