I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
