so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
