3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
