Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
