Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
