i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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