if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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