As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
