I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
