Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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