Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
