So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In other news, I just burned my penis
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
