i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
