Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
