I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
