Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
