Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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