I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My pussy is not your playground.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
