the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Success! We fucked roommates!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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