You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
