Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
