apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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