I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just high enough for therapy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
