Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
