evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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