I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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