We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
