she was so not down for the gang bang
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
