....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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