Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
