If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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