i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
