Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize