Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
