I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
