Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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