You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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