im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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