sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
