ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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