Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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