I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Your dad touched me again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
