I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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