nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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