Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
