I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
