i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
