It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
