Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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