I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
