Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
