The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
