Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
