Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
