There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
