i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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