I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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