it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
