oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
