Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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