My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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