He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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